Monday, March 3, 2014

If you see me running...

1. ...then I'm probably being chased.
2. ...then I'm probably extremely late for something.
3. ...then I'm probably chasing my son before he finds away to hurt himself.
4. ...then I'm probably running because there's an emergency.

Or... because I agreed to coach Girls On the Run at the school I work at--after not running since I was 19.

In the past I've run for the following reasons:

1. I was trying to be part of my family. My dad is an avid runner and he would go on family runs with my siblings and step mom all the time.
2. The gym teacher or coach of a sport I was in was making me do it.
3. I was trying to impress a boy I was dating when I was about 17. He was older and in very great shape. I couldn't understand why he liked me--so, I tried to make myself someone he'd never leave. Someone who ran. Of course, after a year of being together, I found out he had many someones on the side.
4. My dad was pressuring me to lose weight. Which was all my life.

The first time Idiot and I ran on the beach, I couldn't believe it when he said we had ran two miles without stopping. Then when he asked if I wanted to run back on the sand... I politely declined. I was going to die. I wanted to dive into the water and never come out. About the same time Idiot broke up with me, I was also on two cheerleading teams with a bunch of skinny girls. Extremely heartbroken and lost, feeling the pressure of my dad wanting me skinnier, I started jogging. Only on a treadmill since I couldn't for the life of me pace myself outside. When running wasn't getting the results I wanted, I started under eating and over excercising. All of this, of course, led to an eating disorder. I ran all throughout the rest of my high school career until I broke my ankle at a cheerleading nationals my first year of college. When I couldn't run anymore, my eating disorder got worse. Diet pills entered to scene. I was convinced boys only liked me for my looks and that was all I had to offer. It wasn't until I almost died in Arizona when I was 23, that I snapped out of it. Luckily, I had gained friends in Arizona who truly cared about my well-being and worked with me at 24 Hour Fitness. I started exercising and eating healthy--amazingly losing weight with out the risk to my health.

When I moved back to Colorado, and met Fiance. I got off the gluten free diet I was on and gained some weight back. Then I got pregnant with Peanut and gained a lot more weight. No one really knows how much that bothered me--being a recovered annorexic/bulemic. I did my best to not relapse. I had to stay healthy for my son. He was my reason. I've lost about 45 lbs since he was born--without exercise or diet. Just by being a working mom. I mean, for a while Fiance and I were on the "Po' diet"--which is the diet you are too poor to eat out. This helped a lot. No fast food is a big key. I did jog a few times with Peanut in his jogger and we went on a lot of walks. Nothing that I thought made a huge difference.  Running hurts my shins, my lungs, and my whole body. So, why, oh why, did I decide it was an AMAZING idea to be a GOTR coach this season? It was because of the message it teaches all girls starting in 3rd grade--to love yourself. You do not have to be an athlete to join. You just have to show up and keep moving. If I had had a program like this when I was that young... maybe I wouldn't have made many of the oh so not good decisions that I did. Then again, if I hadn't, I probably wouldn't have Fiance or Peanut with me. It's worth it for me in the end. My motivation is those girls. I never want them growing up how I did or feeling how I did.

I would lie if I said today wasn't rough. I forgot my running clothes, a hair tie, a water bottle, my shoes are way overdue for a replacement, and I haven't truly ran in 7 years. There is this fifth grader who has grown attached to me as a para and when we were running together today, she told me her goal was to be the first finisher at the 5k and to lose weight. She also told me how she wanted me to be her running partner at the race. I told her my goal was just to finish and losing weight wouldn't be awful. I told her we'd work together towards our goals. She and all girls like her are the reason you will see me running.

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